feotakahari (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
feotakahari) wrote2021-07-02 09:21 pm
feotakahari) wrote2021-07-02 09:21 pm
Entry tags:
My Name is Ethan
Most participants--some would say victims--in the Infinite Loops embrace a continuity of identity. What’s real is what’s always true, and what changes each time is false. One boy takes a very different approach. (Not based on any existing series.)
My name is Ethan Wilson, and I’m going to die on this rooftop.
I had a pretty good run of being a hero. Twenty-four hours of making friends and escaping henchmen and stopping that bastard Baldwin from flooding the city with a madness-inducing neurotoxin. Not bad for a teenage boy who was never in a real fight before. But Baldwin shot me twice in the gut before Jess threw him off the roof, and now the adrenaline’s wearing off, and the corners of my vision are starting to creep in.
Jess is trying to stop the bleeding. Robby’s on the phone with emergency services, his cool facade cracking for once in his life. “Just stay awake, Ethan,” he tells me shakily. “Don’t go to sleep. They’ll get here soon.”
“Am I part of your club now?” I joke. He was a million times more popular than me, and he wouldn’t have given me the time of day before. He wouldn’t have fought armed goons for me, either. I guess we all did a lot of things we didn’t expect to.
“You’re the freaking club president,” he tells me. “So don’t die on me now.”
Jess doesn’t say a word, but her expression looks grim. It’s out of my hands now, and out of hers, too.
“It was worth it,” I mumble as the world blurs into nothingness. My life, for the life of this boy and this girl. All worth it . . .
--
My name is Ethan MacKenna, and I remember this rooftop.
It wasn’t me who was here before. It was someone named Ethan Wilson. He liked rap, and hated spinach, and had a scar on his left shoulder that he never let anyone see. But he was on this rooftop, and Baldwin--another Baldwin?--shot him, and he died.
I hesitate, and Jess rushes forward. The first bullet hits her in the throat.
Running back down the staircase, waiting for the gas to flood the city, I wonder where it all went wrong.
--
My name is Ethan Sanford, and for once in my life, I have a plan.
I’m already on the roof when Baldwin comes out the door. I’m not strong, but neither is he, and I manage to overpower him. Now the gun is in my hands, aimed squarely at his head.
“Don’t move,” I warn him.
He calls my bluff, or so he thinks. But I remember what another Baldwin did to another Jess, and that’s enough for me to fire.
--
My name is Ethan Grumbacher, and I have a different plan.
I don’t remember what happened after Ethan Sanford left the rooftop. Did he win? Did he somehow die? So I’m going to avoid that confrontation at all. I’m going up to the roof early, and I’m going to perform some calculated sabotage on Baldwin’s machine. Worst comes to worst, I’ll botch it up and overdose on neurotoxins. It’s not like the universe will punish me for getting killed ahead of schedule, right?
--
My name is Densuke “Ethan” Mifune, and I’ve been asked to join some kind of “Eiken club.” I have the feeling the other Ethans aren’t going to want to remember this time around.
--
My name is Ethan Blanchard, and I hate every one of these fuckers.
I’m not going to stop Baldwin. In fact, I’ll release his gas ahead of schedule. I’ll watch as the bastards around me tear each other apart with their teeth.
Let the games begin. My move first.
--
My name is Ethan Silverman, and I remember everything Ethan Blanchard did.
Maybe there will be Ethans like that sometimes. Maybe some cities will end in fire. But not now. Not today.
I’m ready for you, Baldwin. Things won’t go your way this time.
--
My name is Ethan Trueheart, and I’ve loved Robby since we were eight years old.
That’s not usually true. A lot of Ethans didn’t even know Robby that well. Some of them love Jess, for reasons I’ll never understand despite remembering them. But I thought Robby was the coolest boy on the face of the planet, and then he grew up a little, and he got too cool--and too bigheaded--to remember me.
I wait until we’re on the roof after stopping Baldwin. Things seem to end there, win or lose. So there won’t be much time for me to be embarrassed if I go down in flames.
I had some kind of plan for how to do this. But I get caught up in the moment, and I kiss him full on the mouth instead.
He kisses me back, just before my memories end.
--
My name is Ethan Zabrosky, and her name is Jess. Just Jess. She remembers Jess Cole and Jess Ramsdale and Jess Fogarty, and she says they’re all Jess, all one.
I can see why each Jess would need to believe it. Their pasts are quite varied, and honestly, most of them were miserable in different ways. So they latch onto the few things that are always the same, and call those the things that are real.
As for me, I’m always an Ethan. But I’m fine with being separate Ethans. We live, and we die, or else the story plays out to its end. Then we start again, with another day, and another Ethan.
--
My name is Ethan Farrow, and I’m content with my life.
I don’t know what happens when I escape the rooftop. Does the world end there, like a tape run to its end? Does the quintessential Ethan leave that world for another, leaving behind some Ethan-less husk? Or does it continue into a future I never remember?
I don’t really care. I’m today’s Ethan, and I have twenty-four hours left. So what will I do today?
My name is Ethan Wilson, and I’m going to die on this rooftop.
I had a pretty good run of being a hero. Twenty-four hours of making friends and escaping henchmen and stopping that bastard Baldwin from flooding the city with a madness-inducing neurotoxin. Not bad for a teenage boy who was never in a real fight before. But Baldwin shot me twice in the gut before Jess threw him off the roof, and now the adrenaline’s wearing off, and the corners of my vision are starting to creep in.
Jess is trying to stop the bleeding. Robby’s on the phone with emergency services, his cool facade cracking for once in his life. “Just stay awake, Ethan,” he tells me shakily. “Don’t go to sleep. They’ll get here soon.”
“Am I part of your club now?” I joke. He was a million times more popular than me, and he wouldn’t have given me the time of day before. He wouldn’t have fought armed goons for me, either. I guess we all did a lot of things we didn’t expect to.
“You’re the freaking club president,” he tells me. “So don’t die on me now.”
Jess doesn’t say a word, but her expression looks grim. It’s out of my hands now, and out of hers, too.
“It was worth it,” I mumble as the world blurs into nothingness. My life, for the life of this boy and this girl. All worth it . . .
--
My name is Ethan MacKenna, and I remember this rooftop.
It wasn’t me who was here before. It was someone named Ethan Wilson. He liked rap, and hated spinach, and had a scar on his left shoulder that he never let anyone see. But he was on this rooftop, and Baldwin--another Baldwin?--shot him, and he died.
I hesitate, and Jess rushes forward. The first bullet hits her in the throat.
Running back down the staircase, waiting for the gas to flood the city, I wonder where it all went wrong.
--
My name is Ethan Sanford, and for once in my life, I have a plan.
I’m already on the roof when Baldwin comes out the door. I’m not strong, but neither is he, and I manage to overpower him. Now the gun is in my hands, aimed squarely at his head.
“Don’t move,” I warn him.
He calls my bluff, or so he thinks. But I remember what another Baldwin did to another Jess, and that’s enough for me to fire.
--
My name is Ethan Grumbacher, and I have a different plan.
I don’t remember what happened after Ethan Sanford left the rooftop. Did he win? Did he somehow die? So I’m going to avoid that confrontation at all. I’m going up to the roof early, and I’m going to perform some calculated sabotage on Baldwin’s machine. Worst comes to worst, I’ll botch it up and overdose on neurotoxins. It’s not like the universe will punish me for getting killed ahead of schedule, right?
--
My name is Densuke “Ethan” Mifune, and I’ve been asked to join some kind of “Eiken club.” I have the feeling the other Ethans aren’t going to want to remember this time around.
--
My name is Ethan Blanchard, and I hate every one of these fuckers.
I’m not going to stop Baldwin. In fact, I’ll release his gas ahead of schedule. I’ll watch as the bastards around me tear each other apart with their teeth.
Let the games begin. My move first.
--
My name is Ethan Silverman, and I remember everything Ethan Blanchard did.
Maybe there will be Ethans like that sometimes. Maybe some cities will end in fire. But not now. Not today.
I’m ready for you, Baldwin. Things won’t go your way this time.
--
My name is Ethan Trueheart, and I’ve loved Robby since we were eight years old.
That’s not usually true. A lot of Ethans didn’t even know Robby that well. Some of them love Jess, for reasons I’ll never understand despite remembering them. But I thought Robby was the coolest boy on the face of the planet, and then he grew up a little, and he got too cool--and too bigheaded--to remember me.
I wait until we’re on the roof after stopping Baldwin. Things seem to end there, win or lose. So there won’t be much time for me to be embarrassed if I go down in flames.
I had some kind of plan for how to do this. But I get caught up in the moment, and I kiss him full on the mouth instead.
He kisses me back, just before my memories end.
--
My name is Ethan Zabrosky, and her name is Jess. Just Jess. She remembers Jess Cole and Jess Ramsdale and Jess Fogarty, and she says they’re all Jess, all one.
I can see why each Jess would need to believe it. Their pasts are quite varied, and honestly, most of them were miserable in different ways. So they latch onto the few things that are always the same, and call those the things that are real.
As for me, I’m always an Ethan. But I’m fine with being separate Ethans. We live, and we die, or else the story plays out to its end. Then we start again, with another day, and another Ethan.
--
My name is Ethan Farrow, and I’m content with my life.
I don’t know what happens when I escape the rooftop. Does the world end there, like a tape run to its end? Does the quintessential Ethan leave that world for another, leaving behind some Ethan-less husk? Or does it continue into a future I never remember?
I don’t really care. I’m today’s Ethan, and I have twenty-four hours left. So what will I do today?