feotakahari (![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png)
feotakahari) wrote2022-01-03 02:04 am
feotakahari) wrote2022-01-03 02:04 am
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When I was maybe 9 or 10 years old, I went to a child psychiatrist. He had this game wired up to me that he said was reading how calm I was. If I got wound up, the little spaceship would hang back and I couldn’t collect items. If I was calm, it would zoom forward and I could get a high score. Every time I saw a big collectible and wanted it, I would get excited and wouldn’t be able to get it.
I tried just closing my eyes and ignoring the game, and got a high score without trying. What this taught me was that the game was stupid and pointless. But I think what I was supposed to learn was not to get excited even when my eyes were open and I was concentrating on the game. And in retrospect, wasn’t that fucked-up lesson to teach a child? “Just don’t feel emotions anymore”?
I tried just closing my eyes and ignoring the game, and got a high score without trying. What this taught me was that the game was stupid and pointless. But I think what I was supposed to learn was not to get excited even when my eyes were open and I was concentrating on the game. And in retrospect, wasn’t that fucked-up lesson to teach a child? “Just don’t feel emotions anymore”?
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